You have been warned…. From the Women’s Petition Against Coffee, 1672:
Never did men wear greater breeches or carry less in them of any mettle whatsoever. On the occasion of this insufferable disaster, after a serious enquiry and discussion of the point by the learned of the faculty, we can attribute to nothing more than the excessive use of that newfangled, abominable, heathenish liquor called coffee, which rifling Nature of her choicest treasures, and drying up the radical moisture, has so eunuched our husbands and crippled our more kind gallants that they are become as impotent, as aged, and as unfruitful as those deserts whence that unhappy berry is said to be brought. For the continual sipping of this pitiful drink is enough to bewitch men of two and twenty and tie up the codpiece point without a charm.
More on the subtle and not so subtle art of intoxication in the latest issue of Lapham’s Quarterly